I hate when my dad goes on rants about my smoking and how it's no different than his drinking. It's much different. After I have a cigarette I'm still sober, I've never been arrested because of my smoking, I've never hurt someone because of it. The only people I smoke around are also smokers so I'm not hurting anyone's health. It's not the same.
I think I'm getting a job at the diner during the night shift. It goes well with my sleeping patterns. We'll see I guess. I just need to save up so money so I'll have some options. I just need to get out of here. I'm scared of what I'm becoming. More dead than alive. I'm just trying to get by and turning off is the best way.
It's sad because slowly I've begun phasing my friends out of my life. The ones that are leaving so it'll be easier.
I've been having really fucked up dreams lately. I wake up with my tv on when it was off when I went to bed.
Just give me something to believe in.
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