time kills.

so.
my dad's been drinking again
so I haven't been talking to him

apparently he's mad at me because he know how utterly pissed I've been at him
and I'm still "asking for things"
I asked to get a job at his company
when my mom told me thing the only thing i could say was
This has been my whole life
and all she said was 'I know'

This has been my whole life
This has been my whole life
and as much as I say it, it doesn't change anything
my dad has been drinking since I was little
he's been fucking this family over since I was little
you get used to it
you get used to not expecting much from him
you get used to being dissapointed
and things not being what they seem

Friday we went to the beach
My aunt was at the shore house so went to visit her
It was fun
We spent time with my cousins and hung out
My dad didn't go because he had work

On the way home my mom called him
No answer
She called him again
No answer
We get home
All the lights are off

And of course I'm thinking the worse
because it's to be expected

He was passed out in the livingroom drunk

I fucking hate him
but I love him because he's my dad
even though it feels so wrong because of everything he's done to me

I have to get out
now more than ever