I watched my wildest dreams come true, not one of them involving you

I talked my friend about my abuse saturday night
and I remembered something
and no whenever I close my eyes i see it
so I figure I should just get it out of my system

here goes nothing

He hit the hockey stick so hard against the table it made a dent, I hid in the corner of the kitchen. All I could do was watch, I was too scared to move. Across the room, his eyes locked with mine, the words coming out of my mouth, I had no control. I thought he was going to hit me, but he didn't. He just stared at me slamming the hockey stick against the table, over and over. The things he said to me cut to the bone. I can't remember them. I cried. I dug my nails into my thigh. I pressed myself so hard up against the cabinets. I wanted to dissapear, I wanted to die, I wished I had never been born. I thought I might die, he looked so angry. No one was home, no one to save me.

When it was all done he told me he was sorry and would get help for his rage issues but he never did. It was the first time I hurt myself on purpose and certainly wouldn't be the last.


This blog is a record of my emotional track marks, no one reads it but the thought that someone might and they might understand me helps.